Thanks for sharing your process here. As another white guy, I resonate very strongly with much of it, though I am younger than you (based on your words). I wonder if this piece I wrote might resonate with you: https://medium.com/@abelateiner/grieving-the-white-void-48c410fdd7f3
A treacherous stormtrooper, quietly loosening bolts inside the Death Star. www.risksomething.org